NAMM 2013 (Revisted)

When Abominator first asked me to write up something short for NAMM, several thoughts immediately crossed my mind. First, why should I write about an organization known for molesting boys? I’m not a priest or a gym teacher and my Corpsemolester past involved molesting grown adult, female corpses. I have SOME morals for fuck’s sake! My second thought was that maybe I had misread his email so I went back and checked and yes, apparently I did.

The National Association of Music Merchants (NAMM) took place from January 24th to the 27th in the Year of our Corpse 2013. It was a rousing adventure that featured people dressed like pirates, Batman, and all manner of comic book, television, and movie characters. But mostly Batman.

EDIT: Okay, after some research, apparently that wasn’t NAMM but Comic Con and that took place last summer.

I remember NAMM now. I drank a LOT of beer but that usually happens wherever I go. There were several things that stuck out for me at this large musicians expo. First were the excellent selections of custom made harps and ukuleles. Did you know plastic ukuleles can sell for upwards of $700? I saw one with a price tag of $1000 but that one was made of wood strips peeled off of real wood from construction sites. The harps were amazing and I strummed one just to say that I played a harp and have bragging rights. IN YOUR FACE, THORGRIMM!

Other highlights included getting elbowed by Kerry King as he made his way to the flute section. At least that’s where I assumed he was heading. I also lined up at the Electro-Voice Pro Audio booth because rumor had it they were giving away free mugs and beer. The rumors turned out to be true even though the beer being served was fucking Heineken! I lost my mug by the way. I hung out at the Boss Printing booth with the Gravehill gang. We took silly pictures and signed dozens upon dozens of headshots for our next album (no one wanted any so we now have 200 autographed headshots taking up space). CC and I were getting the shakes again so we walked around looking for the shortest beer lines. I saw a short line with three people and waited for about 5 minutes but it turned out to be the line for ice cream. I then cried at my lack of beer and ate my cone while sobbing quietly.

RIP free mug wherever you are. :(

While I explored the various showcases from Spector guitars, Fernandez, and the abandoned ghost town that was BC Rich (did anyone run into a rep from these guys??), the final highlight of my NAMM adventure happened. Walking down the main thoroughfare was none other than Stevie Wonder! I raised my beer to him and shouted “PART TIME LOVER RULES” and then I was shoved out of the way by one of his security. 

I had the best badge ever.

Top Ten Metal Albums of 2013

No, I don't actually have a top 10. The main reason why is because I never keep up with that shit. I'm still trying to buy albums from bands that have been around forever. Did you know I don't have Screaming for Vengeance on vinyl?? WHAT THE FUCK??? Plus I've had my head up Roky Erickson's ass lately as well as dancing in my underwear to a LOT of Earth, Wind, and Fire that finding and buying new albums just seems like a lot of work. So instead, I'm going to list Loudwire's Top 10 Metal Albums of 2013 (you can find the list here http://loudwire.com/best-metal-albums-2013/).

10. Queensryche - "Queensryche" - The name and title kind of rolls off the tongue like saying "Sirhan Sirhan". Did you know there are two incarnations of these assholes? Two. I wonder how the brainstorm session went when trying to name this album. "You know Geoff is doing his own Queensryche band guys. So to let people know that we're the actual Queensryche, let's name the album Queensryche so then everyone will Queensryche our Queensryche and jerk off in our Queensryche." I don't own this album nor have I listened to it. I'm going to assume there are guitars and some sort of vocals on it.

9. Ihsahn - "Das Seelenbrechen" - I saw Ihsahn at MDF 2013 and was hoping he'd play some old Emperor stuff. About halfway through the set I realized he wasn't going to do any of that shit so I went back over to watch Revenge. I think "Das Seelenbrechen" means "The Celebration" and I guess I could look it up online through Google translate but I'm much too lazy for that. The last Ihsahn album I heard had a saxophone on it. A saxophone. I'm not sure how long ago that was but it was awful. I broke my streak of not listening to Ihsahn at MDF and I haven't been able to get the stench off me since. 

8. Kylesa - "Ultraviolet" - Kylesa has some cool tunes. There's that one song with that riff that goes "chum chum che chugg chum chum". I like their first two albums actually. According to Wikipedia they have four more! Holy shit! Where have I been? Not paying attention obviously. Good for you, Kylesa. Keep up the good work. I'm going to have to listen to your new shit one of these days. Dammit. Now that "chum chum che chugg chum chum" riff is stuck in my head.

7. Motorhead - "Aftershock" - I love Motorhead and anyone who doesn't like Motorhead can eat a poopsicle (that's poop you put a wooden stick in and then freeze it - it's a delicacy in Pomona, CA). I don't own this album but I'm glad to say that I HAVE heard it and find it wonderfully stimulating. Even thinking about it makes my nips tingle just a tiny bit...also my taint. I really need to buy this album. I've been slacking on my Motorhead. 

6. Dream Theater - "Dream Theater" - What the fuck? Another self-titled album. Get over yourselves assholes! I'm not going to be bothered adding anymore words to this one.

BALLS!

5. Black Sabbath - "13" - Black Sabbath were originators of heavy metal and inspired millions of kids all over the world to play and write dark, heavy music. This album is only "ok" though. Nothing stood out for me but there are some solid riffs and Ozzy doesn't sound half bad. I don't really have anything funny or bad to say about this one so I'll leave it there.

BALLS!!

4. Deafheaven - "Sunbather" - I have no fucking clue who these guys are. Since I always judge a book by its cover, I looked up pictures of them and they look like rather clean cut chaps who like a good rogering now and then. Now, let's go look up what they sound like..."post-rock, shoegaze and black metal". Two of those terms don't match with the other. I'm going to leave this one alone for right now because I feel rage boiling up.

3. The Ocean - Pelagial - Who? Next.

2. Ghost B.C. - Infestestumfvuvemdmuememmnn - I like Ghost. I like their demo, I like the first album, and the EP of cover tunes is pretty good. This album is one that's "ok" for me. The song "Year Zero" dominates and is the best track which mixes stuff from their first album and progresses it a bit. Lots of people started to hate Ghost after this album came out. I guess they wanted to look cool to the people who hated them from the beginning because this album really isn't that much of a diversion from the first one. Oh well.

1. Gorguts - "Colored Sands - I don't like technical death metal. I like my death metal simple, bludgeoning, and cavemanesque. The Gorguts crew are talented as fuck but I've tried to listen to them many times over the years and they never hooked me. Apparently they're making a comeback with this album and going on tour with Carcass and some other meaningless bands so good for them. I hope they make lots of money, new fans, and maybe eventually write a catchy song for once.

If you're a fan of all these bands or the bands themselves, feel free to send your hate mail to someone who cares.

The end. 

Blood: Go Real or Go Home?

Recently I came across a post on a social media website in which a person who had seen a recent Gravehill show said that “fake blood is for pussies.” Now usually I let stuff like this slide by because as a musician who plays in front of people, records albums, and tours every now and then, I understand that not everyone likes my band. That was hard for me to accept when first beginning my musical journey so many years ago but that’s the reality. You can’t please everyone and if you let criticism get to you; being an artist may not be a wise career choice.

But why does this comment stretch my panties up into a tight thong-like piece of floss wedged up into my ass? Is it because the person who said it loves Marilyn Manson and Rob Zombie? No, people listen to what they listen to. I don’t have a problem with that. Is it the outright hypocrisy of the comment when both Manson and Zombie have both used fake blood in their live shows? If I turned the question around and asked her if her favorite artists are pussies, how would she respond? And that’s the position I was in as I gazed at a dim digital photo of Mike (Gravehill vocalist) covered in fake blood. I stared at this comment, scratched my head, and pondered for several minutes whether to reply.


You see, Gravehill isn’t concerned with pleasing the *kvlt masses or even those who think they’re part of that scene.  We’ve been in the shit for a long time and have had to contend with that crowd for years. The blood we use is for entertainment and pay homage to the greats who came before us. Old Slayer, Bathory, Alice Cooper, KISS, W.A.S.P., King Diamond, etc… It’s even in tribute to horror movies and how they have entertained us for years.

Man, what a pussy!!

We have played and done short tours with some great fucking bands who did use real animal blood as part of their performance but that’s their thing. That’s their gimmick; not ours. They’re trying to project a certain image (and smell) into their live performance and it plays well with the kvlt crowd who take that shit seriously. I even used the real blood at a show just to see how it was. You know what? It sucked! Not only did I sweat most of it off before the second song was done, but I smelled like a dead fucking animal afterwards. I smell bad enough after playing live, sweating my ass off, and then loading gear and driving 12 hours to the next show without a shower. Throw real blood into the mix and that tightly packed van/suv smells like Vernon, California.


In the end, Gravehill plays a combination of death/thrash/black metal and we want to entertain. If you see us and the only thing you can think of is, “fake blood is for pussies” then you just don’t get it and you never will. You’re too caught up in your own niche kvlt world to appreciate why we use fake blood in the first place. We’re not here to impress or grandstand; we just want to rock. If you can’t handle that, go back to the bar, stand there with your arms crossed and stick your nose up in the air with the rest of your useless peers.

Oh, and I never replied to the photo. I decided to write and whine about it here! 

Warmageddon Fest 2012

The Warmageddon Fest took place in Richmond, CA on July 14, 2012. Richmond as it turns out is a rather quaint community north of San Francisco which just so happens to put Oakland and Compton to shame.

The trip north was smooth and uneventful with the Gravehill lads. Along for the ride was our buddy Phil who would help us out tremendously with setting up gear. Particularly drums since the guy is a freaking monster when it comes to ravaging the skins. Hell Messiah's vehicle was once again our car of choice because of its spaciousness, roomy interior, smoky atmosphere and tow hitch for the trailer we were pulling behind us.

This would be one of the first Gravehill shows where we didn't use a roadie to help us load and unload gear. Now I know most underground bands lug their own shit around and set it up themselves. But we had the luxury and funds for a long period of time where we could pay and have someone set our stuff up for us. Unfortunately all of the Rites of the Pentagram royalties ran out so we were too broke to afford that expense. At least we can now do more blow and buy some tasty non-gay Chick Fil A sandwiches (Non-Gay Taste included!!).

Lugging around band gear prematurely ages you. Oh yeah, fuck you, Chick Fil A!

Five white guys driving into the ghetto of a predominantly black Richmond neighborhood is a daunting feat. The GPS insisted that the venue was nearby but all we saw were homes with lots of iron bars on the windows and empty streets crawling with crusty kids and trash. Distinguishing between the two was a feat unto itself.

I was going to put an insulting pic of a crusty here. I opted for Gary Busey.

We finally found the venue by putting our heads out the window and hearing the seductive lullabies of screaming thrash metal in the distance. In a nondescript building in the middle of the ghetto was the infamous Burnt Ramen. Supposedly a veteran venue for all kinds of punk, hardcore, grind, and metal shows, we found prime parking and jumped out into the cold night air. Living in Southern California, particularly near the desert like I do, you get used to certain temperatures during the Summer. Namely, it's fucking hot as balls!! So the only jacket I brought was my beat up, bloody, smelly leather jacket I use on stage. It must have been in the low 50s (probably only 70) and I was freezing! All I knew was that I needed to eat and drink.

The promoter Spike is probably one of the coolest sons of bitches I've met. A true Hessian through and through, he treated us extremely well and his enthusiasm for Gravehill is spot-on genuine. When he said there was a 30-pack of beer waiting to be imbibed, I immediately grabbed a cool brew, choked down a few slices of pizza and watched some of the opening bands.

This is a fairly accurate representation of what life is like where I live.

Hemotoxin was already mid-set by the time we arrived and they were raging through a killer version of Morbid Angel's "Maze of Torment". Most of their originals consisted of straight up thrash and I was tappin' my foot and snapping my fingers like an Eddie Money video as they jammed. The last song was pretty long and an instrumental to boot so they kinda lost me there, but otherwise a very solid, albeit young thrash band.

Eddie's sax version of Maze of Torment ruled!

There was a smooth transition of gear tear downs and setups and the next band on the chopping block was Azathoth. Now I've seen the name Azathoth used in one form or another by bands for years. One of the first death metal bands I started in Florida back in the early 90s was called Azathoth. Despite the overuse of the name, the band performed their version of black metal well if not that spectacular. Since Azathoth wasn't stroking my taint the right way, I dived back into the beer box, grabbed more alcohol, and wandered out back where several large shipping containers and piles of junk resided. Surprisingly enough, it was deserted and provided a brief respite from the smelly chaos inside.


After chatting with a few peeps, I made my way back into the main room to catch Rotten Funeral. Rotten Funeral were dirty as fuck, donning the usual black metal garb (i.e., war paint, spikes, inverted crosses, etc...), they played amongst a smattering of broken animal bones and atmospheric candles. It limited their movement quite a bit but seeing as how they  stood there without so much as a nod of the head (maybe a slight bob), I doubt it was that much of an issue. They pushed through a ferocious set that I found to be extremely cult and I bought a $2 demo cd. What exactly grabbed me I couldn't tell you. I just liked it and the demo was cheap.

While the next band set up, I consumed more beer and the effects were slowly creeping in. Was that a crusty kid asleep on a table? Did a dog just nip at my leg? Why did this skater crust kid think he could almost get away with damaging Thorgrimm's drums while we were standing there watching him? And therein lies my reason for disliking a majority of crusties. They think they can get away with anything and when someone calls them out on it, they get up on some non-existent soapbox and demand some kind of respect.

I associate all crust punks with Kristin Stewart.

I digress, next up was Blasphemous Creation (BC). Now these guys were particularly interesting. For one, their drummer quit on them the day of the show. But did that stop BC? Fuck no. They grabbed a drum machine, threw on some beats, and traveled from Reno, Nevada to Richmond, CA and played anyway! That's fuckin' metal. Second, they came dressed in armor and spikes that reminded me of a cross between Roman Centurions and Mad Max. Now the armor was definitely cool; especially decked out in large, almost foot long spikes. It reminded me of the early days of Gravehill when Abominator, ex-guitarist Zyklon, and myself donned similar ensembles. I think BC's armor would have looked even more badass if it was beat up, scarred, and bloody like ours was because during the show it looked pristine and a bit stiff. Overall though, a great band who thrashed out some blackened death metal that made my nipples slightly engorged.

OG Gravehill picture. Ah memories!!

Pale Chalice was next but I missed the entire set as I was getting my shit ready for Gravehill. Hell Messiah and I drank outside for a bit and watched our backs for any mysterious, black tinted, Cadillacs driving around without their lights on. You never know in Richmond! I thought I heard fireworks but was later informed those "fireworks" were gunshots. Later I looked at my jacket and a bullet hole was in my sleeve! I lie. Nothing happened. Moving on...

Gravehill did the dance to a great crowd of Hessians and we pulled off another successful show. No need to go into detail because frankly, by this point I was so hammered that I can't remember every detail. I think I played well as there were a group of people watching my fretting hand trying to decipher how to play the songs. Wish they would have caught me on a sober night when I was actually playing the right notes. Ha!

Aw who am I kidding? I never have a sober night. :(

Minenwerfer were up next and honestly, I can't remember much. My drinking had accelerated dramatically up to this point and the only thing I vaguely recall is me loaning out my overdrive pedal to the bassist. I don't think I even bothered wiping the blood off my face. I sat down on some skater half-pipe covered in filth and continued to drink. Holy fuck. I BECAME A CRUSTY!!!! See? This has all the elements of a good tragedy. I became the thing I hate. Bill Shakespeare would have been proud.

Not amused.

Last up was Hellhunter who I did manage to see as I stumbled out into the thinning venue. Hellhunter had a similar Blasphemous Creation problem with their drummer so one of the guitarists took over skin duties and they hammered away with some old school, filthy black metal and black rock and roll. I remember banging my head the most to these guys. My favorite moments were when the vocalist would intro a song and then said, "Let's go!" That's some metal shit right there!

I don't remember much after the show. I kind of just woke up still covered in filth on a couch at CC's parents house in Fremont. But all in all, I had a killer time in Richmond! We'll have to get up there again soon and rage once more.

Here are some links to the bands I mentioned. Make sure you stop by their pages and give a listen.

Hellhunter - https://www.facebook.com/pages/Hellhunter/74919204392

Minenwerfer - https://www.facebook.com/minenwerfer

Pale Chalice - https://www.facebook.com/PaleChalice

Blasphemous Creation - https://www.facebook.com/BlasphemousCreation

Rotten Funeral - https://www.facebook.com/RottenFuneral

Azathoth - https://www.facebook.com/pages/AZATHOTH/113184372042227?ref=ts

Hemotoxin - https://www.facebook.com/Hemotoxin

Blog Reboot!

New blog address!! Wheeeee!!! My old blog was linked to an even older Hotmail email address that I've had for years. I'm slowly but surely unlinking that old email from everything so I can finally delete it. Plus I like the consolidation of one log in for multiple accounts. Of course I like to think I'm pretty Internet savvy so as long as my password is awesomely confusing and 25 characters long, it should be airtight. Anyway, this is the new address. Save it to your favorites or forget about it.

http://decibelesritual.blogspot.com/ 

EDIT:  Well goddammit. All of my funny pictures didn't transfer over!! Or maybe it's just my computer... Probably not though. GAH!

To Be or Not To Be Cult (Heavy Metal Hipsters)

As I sit here in the closed confines of my work cubicle stealing company time writing a column specifically targeted for my mom (Hi Mom! Love you! Remember to iron my heavy metal slacks!); I find myself drifting into the nether regions of my cloudy, almost brain dead mind dredging up what I've been listening to these past few days. Whether it has been in the car, on my iPod or computer, I've been floating in the heavy metal dark-matter void of music that some may call "cult" (or kvlt depending on if you're REALLY cult or a member of the Nuclear War Now message board). But just because I sometimes veer into this region of heavy metal and partake of bands like Pallbearer or Stargazer doesn’t mean I intentionally stay there because the bands aren’t widely listened to. I’ve found something about them that distinguishes them from the rest of the garbage out there. And there’s a LOT of garbage out there.

Garbage is a fascinating thing. You see, it accumulates everywhere you go. It could be some dog poop on the sidewalk or a gum wrapper at the beach. You probably have some garbage in your house you haven’t thrown away yet but you’ll get to it eventually. Hell, I still have several used condoms and a tennis ball with pubic hair glued to it under my bed (it’s best not to ask). Underground heavy metal music is similar. But unlike most of us, some connoisseurs of our scene feel the need to fill their homes full of garbage similar to a hoarder that collects piles and piles of bullshit until their entire house is filled with...piles and piles of bullshit! I like to think that a majority of us are discerning fans with refined tastes on what we like. On occasion we find that piece of garbage demo or album you grabbed a few days or years back, but on the whole, our collections are filled with pristine trophies and true classics. I may be deluding myself on that last sentence, but bear with me.

What defines cult in heavy metal music? Does it have to be so underground that the number of Hessians who listen to it number in the one of tens? Perhaps the band has a bunch of splits, EPs, and demos but no full length album? Or is the band long defunct; its members middle-aged, working 40 hours a week, raising a family, and have all but forgotten about a period in their life when they used to be a mediocre heavy metal band in the early/mid-80s? When does being cult and "true" become just more words in the hipster dictionary?

So this inevitably leads me to heavy metal hipsters. If you thought hipsters were regulated to the indie scene and all live in Portland, then you would be wrong. Hipsters are everywhere and can be involved in anything. There’s video game hipsters, sci-fi hipsters, horror movie hipsters, etc... Hell, I’ll even admit to being a know-it-all hipster asshole on occasion. Especially when I’m fuckin’ right!

Heavy metal hipsters are fellow Hessians who make it their goal in life to find the most obscure heavy metal/hard rock music, buy the expensive vinyl and then proceed to say, "You haven't heard of Satan’s Love Pump? I thought you were metal. They put out a 7-inch in 1983 in Greece and have a song on a vinyl comp. They're awesome!" And when you ask, "What else do they have out?" They look at you as if you're retarded because that 7-inch and 1-song contribution to a vinyl comp is literally the ONLY music that band has released. What makes Satan’s Love Pump so awesome besides the incredibly badass name I made up? Is it the fact that they have no discography whatsoever? Or that the songs they do have are nothing more than basement recordings where the drums are too loud, the guitars are barely distorted, no bass at all, and the vocals aren't in key?

Look, I'm not bashing obscure music; I love good obscure music. Yes, there were bands back in the day that never got the recognition they deserved and their discography is limited. I get it. But for a lot of those old bands, there's a good reason why they never made it into the big time. All those demos, EPs, and contributions to comps never went anywhere because the band itself was subpar at best. The same goes for some of the newer music being released today. This obsession with bestial blackened war thrash “play-fast-as-fuck-with-no-discernible-riffs” metal has been trending for years with hundreds of bands vying for top position on who’s the most unoriginal. Do I like some of it? Yes. Again, there are always a few that stand out above the rest (i.e., Impiety); but the majority are fucking garbage and I don’t fill my music collection with garbage. See what I did there? I knew the garbage analogy would eventually work. I spent all day on that fucker.

I'm not telling people what to listen to or what to like. In the end, it's all in the ear of the beholder. I'm just saying, be true to yourself and what you like. Finding an obscure band that really fucking rocks is refreshing and awesome; finding a mediocre, uninspired obscure band isn't. Even though you may have stumbled upon something that no one else has heard in years, if you don't think it rocks, then leave it alone and let it die. My record, cd, and cassette tape collection encompasses bands that I love; not bands that I think are "ok". Padding your collection of heavy metal music with mediocre bullshit garbage isn't metal. It's hipster. Don’t be that guy, friend. Okay, pal? Thanks, buddy.

Goregon Massacre Fest III: 2012

It's weird how writing sometimes seems like a chore and at other times is quite an enjoyable experience. The roughest part is where do you start? What kind of introduction do you want to grab people with and hopefully lure them into a false sense of security so that they think they are about to read a professional, thought-provoking piece on metal music, concert critiques, or the secret life of Gravehill's Hell Messiah and his obsession with homemade scented candles? It's not as easy as it looks; but luckily I just did it and thus I feel like I have accomplished at least one thing today.

Hell Messiah's obsession with urinals and candles is frightening.

The Goregon Massacre Fest III: 2012 was held in Portland, OR on June 22nd and 23rd and the ladies in the Gravehill camp were chuffed to play it. Our plan was to do a mini west coast tour with our brothers in Destroyed in Seconds (DIS) where we would hit San Francisco, Portland (for the fest), and then back down south to Oakland for a final show. But of course, nothing exactly goes to plan for Gravehill.

It turned out that of the 11 people in my group at my "regular" job, 5 of them decided to take vacation the same week as the fest and all of them asked for it way in advance of me. I mean, as soon as these fuckwits got off of Xmas vacation in December, they immediately put in for Summer vacation. So this meant that I got the figurative vacation shaft up my poophole and couldn't take off, even for a couple of days. At the time, I was furious and I was about to tell my job where to shove it but then came to my senses after a few bumps of blow. Coke really makes you focus on what is important. What was important was that if I was going to fight for time off to go on tour and play shows, it better be worth it if I was risking sudden unemployment. The guys were a bit annoyed (as they rightfully should have been) but luckily we had an "ace-in-the-hole" with Bodybag.

Bodybag: Ex-Gravehill Guitarist/Current Exhumed Bassist. I couldn't find a better pic in my archives.

Bodybag had been on tour with Exhumed for a couple of months and was back briefly before he had to take off again. If anyone knew the riffs to Gravehill songs it was him and he had two pluses going for him. One, he's a beer-swilling, rape maniac who has been playing bass in Exhumed for about a year now and two, he knew the songs and can play bass ten times better than me. Needless to say, most anyone with a fundamental knowledge of music can play bass better than me but instead of hiring an 11th Grade band major, the Gravehill camp opted for one of our own. Bodybag covered for me in San Francisco on Thursday night and I'm glad he was there to take up the slack. I owe him many beers and besos!!

Possible Corpsemolester replacement.

So what the fuck did I do? Well, since I couldn't get the days off to drive up to Portland, I had to fly up. I bought a one-way ticket through Southwest and flew up to Oregon on Saturday, the day of the fest. I arrived with no problems and since I only had my handy man-bag with me (IT'S NOT A PURSE!!), I was traveling very light. Portland has excellent public transportation so instead of opting for an expensive cab, I bought a $2.00 light rail ticket and got off at a station that was only a 10 minute walk from the venue. I'm all about the cheap!

I walked into the venue and was greeted with various cries of joy and relief that I had arrived safely. You know how it is, "It's about time you got here, FAG!", "Nice purse asshole! Did you pick that up at Victoria's Secret along with your see-through panties.", "Hey, look who decided to join us. Mr. 'I'm-too-good-to-drive-up-with-the-rest-of-us Corpsemolester!" It was a very emotional day. Lots of crying and hugging.

We're very emotional.

The fest was pretty damn busy and I wanted to start drinking like, IMMEDIATELY. So I threw on my cool as fuck leather jacket, slathered on some eye shadow, feathered my bangs, and scooted up to the bar and ordered a local craft beer. After a few of those I eventually resorted to the cheapest brew available which was PBR because, if anything, I'm a pretty cheap bastard and as much as I like craft beer, I'm perfectly fine with the cheap stuff as well. After chatting it up for a bit with the Gravehill crew, a few local friends, and some of the fellas in Cardiac Arrest, I went to go check out some of the bands and to have a vegan gyro.

The bands I caught and who stood out were Heavy Voodoo, Bone Sickness, Mutant Supremacy, Coffin Dust, Blood Freak, and of course Cardiac Arrest. All of these bands flattened my face and pummeled my guts into mush. Now Blood Freak and Bone Sickness I had seen before and they always deliver the goods. But the east coasters (I believe they are anyway) Mutant Supremacy and Coffin Dust had me caught up in their thrashy as fuck hooks and technical proficiency. I've been kicking myself since Goregon that I didn't grab some merch. Luckily Gravehill will be seeing them again when we play a fest in New York come October (I think).
 

This is a random kitty photo I thought was funny.

So I guess I should mention at this point that Cianide had dropped off the bill due to a set of unfortunate events. The stars didn't align for them and so Gravehill was pushed to headlining status. Now Gravehill headlining anything is always a crap shoot. Sometimes it's a home run and at others it can be a bit dismal. We're not a high profile band like Exhumed so our crowd draw can be weird at times. Don't get me wrong. Even if the crowd is made up of a few people, those few people are die-hard Gravehill fans (or fans of good old fashioned death metal at least) and we always have a good time. But I don't think it's necessarily an incorrect reaction when promoters tell us that we're headlining and we have a little apprehension.

The crowd was thinning a bit but that's too be expected as it was pushing after 1:00 A.M. We got ready in our usual manner of spitting blood on each other and giving back massages (CC is the best at those) and we took the stage around 1:20 A.M. Now to me, the crowd looked pretty good. Of course it was dark and everyone I saw was up front but still, a better draw than I thought it would be. The stage was extremely small and I had the unfortunate place right behind Mike Abominator. During every one of his screeches, a hellish "silent-but-violent" chemical cloud of nausea-inducing fart stank assaulted my nostrils. This cloud would creep back to Thorgrimm as he dropped a drumstick twice!! The crowd raged, sang along, crowd-surfed, moshed, and proceeded to "out metal" us on stage. Portland knows how to fucking kill! Someone offered me chips during one of Abominator's ill-timed awesome jokes and Hell Messiah spat a big lugie of blood into my face effectively welcoming me back into the fold after not being able to play in San Francisco. What a great show with chants of "one more song" after we had already bulled through 10 fist bangers! Gravehill has always had a home in Portland and those guys welcomed us back with open, bloody arms!

You can see my hair being blown back from a massive Abominator fart.

Many thanks to Brandon and Jason and whoever else helped in organizing this awesome fest and treating Gravehill and the rest of the bands in such a professional manner. YOU ROCK!! Next time we see you, CC is gonna give you the most erotic massages EVAR!

Links to awesomesauce and more sweet sexy pics below:

https://www.facebook.com/bonesickness

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Mutant-Supremacy/121440554551204

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Official-Blood-Freak/130816076957363

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Cardiac-Arrest-US/92250701414?ref=ts

https://www.facebook.com/CoffinDust

Cool Lovecraft-themed bar just a block down from the venue!!

Members of DIS, Cardiac Arrest, Blood Freak, and Gravehill acting the fool.

Trying hard not to be sexy and failing.

The initial blood spattering went well.

Thorgrimm and I playing "Trolls Under The Stairs".

I give this latest blog post a Corpsie-approved thumbs up!!