Office Etiquette and Life: Part 2

Now that I was officially in the "corporate" world, I had to adjust.

Technically I had never worked at a desk job before. Sure, my last year in the Army had me sitting behind a desk doing Admin duties for my infantry company, but it was still like night and day. Take the following conversations:

In the Army:
Private Schmoe: Sergeant Bumby, can I get a pass to go to sick call?
Sergeant Bumby: No, go fuck yourself!

In the Corporate World:
Dan Schmoe: Hey Jason, can I get an update on those medical industry records?
Jason Bumby: Sure! No problem!

or this

In the Army:
Sergeant Schmoe: Hey Sergeant Bumby, I'm submitting this recommendation for award. Can you write up some achievements and get the commander to sign?
Sergeant Bumby: When I have time. Get lost.

In the Corporate World:
Sheila Schmoe: Hi Jason! I'm submitting this form to be completed. Can you review, fill it out and submit for a corporate signature?
Jason Bumby: Sure! No problem!

See the difference? I can't tell people to "fuck off" in the corporate world because I can get fired and wind up sleeping in a personalized garbage can I killed a bum for. In the Army, they'd just send you back to a regular line platoon. No matter what you did, you were still in the Army. So getting over my initial reaction to various corporate requests required an immense amount of willpower to hold my tongue, plaster on a fake smile, and say "Sure! No problem!"

Office Etiquette Rule 1: Do not tell people to "fuck off" no matter how much you think they deserve it. The only exception to this rule is if you just won the lottery.

To be continued...