NAMM 2013 (Revisted)

When Abominator first asked me to write up something short for NAMM, several thoughts immediately crossed my mind. First, why should I write about an organization known for molesting boys? I’m not a priest or a gym teacher and my Corpsemolester past involved molesting grown adult, female corpses. I have SOME morals for fuck’s sake! My second thought was that maybe I had misread his email so I went back and checked and yes, apparently I did.

The National Association of Music Merchants (NAMM) took place from January 24th to the 27th in the Year of our Corpse 2013. It was a rousing adventure that featured people dressed like pirates, Batman, and all manner of comic book, television, and movie characters. But mostly Batman.

EDIT: Okay, after some research, apparently that wasn’t NAMM but Comic Con and that took place last summer.

I remember NAMM now. I drank a LOT of beer but that usually happens wherever I go. There were several things that stuck out for me at this large musicians expo. First were the excellent selections of custom made harps and ukuleles. Did you know plastic ukuleles can sell for upwards of $700? I saw one with a price tag of $1000 but that one was made of wood strips peeled off of real wood from construction sites. The harps were amazing and I strummed one just to say that I played a harp and have bragging rights. IN YOUR FACE, THORGRIMM!

Other highlights included getting elbowed by Kerry King as he made his way to the flute section. At least that’s where I assumed he was heading. I also lined up at the Electro-Voice Pro Audio booth because rumor had it they were giving away free mugs and beer. The rumors turned out to be true even though the beer being served was fucking Heineken! I lost my mug by the way. I hung out at the Boss Printing booth with the Gravehill gang. We took silly pictures and signed dozens upon dozens of headshots for our next album (no one wanted any so we now have 200 autographed headshots taking up space). CC and I were getting the shakes again so we walked around looking for the shortest beer lines. I saw a short line with three people and waited for about 5 minutes but it turned out to be the line for ice cream. I then cried at my lack of beer and ate my cone while sobbing quietly.

RIP free mug wherever you are. :(

While I explored the various showcases from Spector guitars, Fernandez, and the abandoned ghost town that was BC Rich (did anyone run into a rep from these guys??), the final highlight of my NAMM adventure happened. Walking down the main thoroughfare was none other than Stevie Wonder! I raised my beer to him and shouted “PART TIME LOVER RULES” and then I was shoved out of the way by one of his security. 

I had the best badge ever.